Since you asked Mikey, here you go .
Christmas this year was a mixed bag.
My parents got me a kick-ass art book that I desperately need for directing (and for looking at when I am bored), my sister got me a Chinese yo-yo that I am going to master by the end of break, and my brother sent me Heroes Season 1. This, however, is where my Christmas gets kinda sucky.
My brother, as everyone probably knows by now, is performing on a cruise ship sailing around the Caribbean and while this is a great first job and I am so happy for him, I spent my first Christmas without him. It first really hit me how much I miss him when I opened his present (one of his favorite shows that he has been pushing on me for a year now). Then five minutes later, we were taking our yearly family photo in front of the tree, and I was reminded of his absence again. In fact, for the rest of the day, I was constantly reminded of him and the worst part of it all was that I couldn't call him, I couldn't text him, I couldn't see him.
But, I also acknowledge that he was just as sad seeing as how I sort of talked to him a few days ago about it. By the way, apparently he had to march around the boat playing Jingle Bells and Sleigh Ride for an hour on Christmas Morning. Bummer. He isn't going to be coming back until late March. I really miss him.
The other part of Christmas that was really sucky was, well, the fact that the people I care about the most are spread all across New York and even though we are in the season of sharing with the people that you love, I was unable to share it with any of them. However I know I was sharing it with them in spirit and to make matters better, I will be both riding out the old year, and ringing in the new year with them.
But as I said, my Christmas was a mixed bag and with the bad came the good. I got home last night around six, had a few beers, talked to Mikey and Lauren, and then shared the rest of the night with great friends. We saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button which was albeit a bit long, was really a fantastic movie.
Did I ever tell you I've been struck by lightning seven times? One time I was just getting my mail.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
The Future
Wow, I haven't posted in a while...
So after a crazy weekend in Vorhees, NJ at my cousin's Bat Mitzvah, I am finally home for the break.
I will never understand the effects of a shower on me. People occasionally notice that I take a long time in the shower, and I never really explain why. That said, I feel compelled to explain it right here. I do some of my best thinking in the shower. There is something about the massaging effect of water on my head that really stimulates my mind. I have had many epiphanies there. For this reason, I not only make sure to take showers when I know I have enough time to take my time, but I also take showers when I know I need to do some thinking.
However, there are occasions when I am showering and an unexpected thought will arise. Hence the reason I am writing this.
As I was showering today, I had a strange thought about the future and my career path. Two weeks ago I auditioned for a B.A. in Music. Three days later, I found out that I got the major. Hence, I am double majoring in B.A. in Drama and B.A. in Music. This is where the problem begins. When putting these two majors to use in real life, they add up to almost nothing. For those who don't know, a B.A. (Bachelor of Arts) is the most general degree you can get in a field. I love the irony in this because I wanted to originally audition for a B.F.A in Musical Theatre but my parents were worried that I would graduate and be "unable to do anything else but act." However, with my two majors, I am going to graduate "unable to do anything." I will have a degree in theatre but no specific training in any theatre concentration. I will have a degree in music but no specific training in any music concentration.
Here is where my epiphany comes in. See, I cannot imagine myself in any career that would force me to sit in a desk all day and even though I do not have a set career when I graduate, I am extremely happy with my life decision. Because I am getting the most general degrees, I am free to get a rounded education to my choosing. If I want to throw some psychology classes in there, I can! If I want to through in some biology classes, so be it! I am able to really choose what I want to learn and if I chose with some intellegence, I know I can pick the classes that might help me in the future.
To be honest, I feel like I am writing myself a blank check for the future. I will go whereever the wind will take me. Whatever job I end up in (although my top priority is a theatre job), will be good enough for me. Money, which I feel only holds people down, is no object to me. No necessity to me.
Don't take this the wrong way, for I do have aspirations. I only am saying that I am prepared to take what life throws at me and throw it right back at life. I will use my education to the best of my ability and make sure that all of it is useful to me.
I have a smart head on my sholders and because I am not pidgeon holing myself, I know I will succeed.
So after a crazy weekend in Vorhees, NJ at my cousin's Bat Mitzvah, I am finally home for the break.
I will never understand the effects of a shower on me. People occasionally notice that I take a long time in the shower, and I never really explain why. That said, I feel compelled to explain it right here. I do some of my best thinking in the shower. There is something about the massaging effect of water on my head that really stimulates my mind. I have had many epiphanies there. For this reason, I not only make sure to take showers when I know I have enough time to take my time, but I also take showers when I know I need to do some thinking.
However, there are occasions when I am showering and an unexpected thought will arise. Hence the reason I am writing this.
As I was showering today, I had a strange thought about the future and my career path. Two weeks ago I auditioned for a B.A. in Music. Three days later, I found out that I got the major. Hence, I am double majoring in B.A. in Drama and B.A. in Music. This is where the problem begins. When putting these two majors to use in real life, they add up to almost nothing. For those who don't know, a B.A. (Bachelor of Arts) is the most general degree you can get in a field. I love the irony in this because I wanted to originally audition for a B.F.A in Musical Theatre but my parents were worried that I would graduate and be "unable to do anything else but act." However, with my two majors, I am going to graduate "unable to do anything." I will have a degree in theatre but no specific training in any theatre concentration. I will have a degree in music but no specific training in any music concentration.
Here is where my epiphany comes in. See, I cannot imagine myself in any career that would force me to sit in a desk all day and even though I do not have a set career when I graduate, I am extremely happy with my life decision. Because I am getting the most general degrees, I am free to get a rounded education to my choosing. If I want to throw some psychology classes in there, I can! If I want to through in some biology classes, so be it! I am able to really choose what I want to learn and if I chose with some intellegence, I know I can pick the classes that might help me in the future.
To be honest, I feel like I am writing myself a blank check for the future. I will go whereever the wind will take me. Whatever job I end up in (although my top priority is a theatre job), will be good enough for me. Money, which I feel only holds people down, is no object to me. No necessity to me.
Don't take this the wrong way, for I do have aspirations. I only am saying that I am prepared to take what life throws at me and throw it right back at life. I will use my education to the best of my ability and make sure that all of it is useful to me.
I have a smart head on my sholders and because I am not pidgeon holing myself, I know I will succeed.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Stream of consciousness amidst finals
I really want to do more Stream of Consciousness writings. That is when you just let your mind go and just babble. So without further interruption...
Here is a major Faux Pas. So today whilst presenting for my Theories final, I was trying to explain how the purpose of Theatre of Cruelty is meant to confuse the senses. However, I screwed up and said the Theatre of Cruelty is meant to cuntfuse the senses. Although I definitely thought the words, "Oh shit!" loud enough in my head, I continued to go on as though nothing happened.
Tonight is the closing night of the first show I have ever directed. It is a rough show and there have been some interesting moral dilemmas/obligations but the cast was great to work with and result is a great product. All in all, I am very happy that this was the first of hopefully many shows in my directing career.
Tomorrow is going to rock because I have a 20 minute Italian test at 7:30 and then am done for the day... well, except for studying for Musical Styles.
On wednesday I go home and can finally clear my mind of all insanity. The past couple weeks have been really rough and there have been many people who helped me get through it and for that I am very greatful. I am also grateful that I am a different/better person for it. Still though, I am glad that I am leaving this semester without many regrets and [even better] in one piece/peace.
I think thats all I have for now.
Later Gator.
Here is a major Faux Pas. So today whilst presenting for my Theories final, I was trying to explain how the purpose of Theatre of Cruelty is meant to confuse the senses. However, I screwed up and said the Theatre of Cruelty is meant to cuntfuse the senses. Although I definitely thought the words, "Oh shit!" loud enough in my head, I continued to go on as though nothing happened.
Tonight is the closing night of the first show I have ever directed. It is a rough show and there have been some interesting moral dilemmas/obligations but the cast was great to work with and result is a great product. All in all, I am very happy that this was the first of hopefully many shows in my directing career.
Tomorrow is going to rock because I have a 20 minute Italian test at 7:30 and then am done for the day... well, except for studying for Musical Styles.
On wednesday I go home and can finally clear my mind of all insanity. The past couple weeks have been really rough and there have been many people who helped me get through it and for that I am very greatful. I am also grateful that I am a different/better person for it. Still though, I am glad that I am leaving this semester without many regrets and [even better] in one piece/peace.
I think thats all I have for now.
Later Gator.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Asshole Mario Stage 1
Just watching this made me want to kill myself. I could never in a million years play it.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Dream Land Part 2
WHOO! I remembered another part of my dreams!
I found a bat in one of the buildings on campus and decided it would be a good idea to let him sleep in tin foil. Then, I was late to visit my RA (and apparently his dog) and went to his room. He had a lot of people there and I brought Ossian, our future cat, and the bat wrapped in tin foil. I had hoped my RA's dog wouldn't notice Ossian even though she was meowing up a storm. It took a while but he did eventually notice her and the where fighting. I tried to intervene but Ossian scratched me along the cheek, mouth, and eye. then she started bleeding, I started bleeding and the dog started bleeding. The bat was still sleeping. Then the dog and cat made up and the cat put its arm around the dog's soulder... you heard me. Meanwhile I went to the bathroom to clean up and as I was washing the wounds with water, the disappeared but I put a band-aid on anyway.
I found a bat in one of the buildings on campus and decided it would be a good idea to let him sleep in tin foil. Then, I was late to visit my RA (and apparently his dog) and went to his room. He had a lot of people there and I brought Ossian, our future cat, and the bat wrapped in tin foil. I had hoped my RA's dog wouldn't notice Ossian even though she was meowing up a storm. It took a while but he did eventually notice her and the where fighting. I tried to intervene but Ossian scratched me along the cheek, mouth, and eye. then she started bleeding, I started bleeding and the dog started bleeding. The bat was still sleeping. Then the dog and cat made up and the cat put its arm around the dog's soulder... you heard me. Meanwhile I went to the bathroom to clean up and as I was washing the wounds with water, the disappeared but I put a band-aid on anyway.
Dream Land
I've heard that you are always dreaming but sometimes you don't remember them. I also know it has a lot to do with your REM cycle. Either way, I feel like I haven't had a dream in the longest time. It really sucks because every so often I try to learn how to lucid dream, but the first step is to make sure you remember your dreams and to do that you need to keep a dream journal. I've tried but its kind of hard when I can barely even remember my dreams when I wake up.
That said, last night I had some pretty awesome and vivid dreams! I actually remembered almost all the details when I woke up, but I wish I had thought to chronicle them earlier because now I barely remember them; I'll at least describe them.
One dream had flying in the middle. Flying has become an important part of my dreams (at least the ones I remember) recently. Anyway, I grew wings on my back and it took a while for me to learn how to use them. It was very much like using a new muscle. I was luckily in a house that was full of trees with springy branches and was able to jump from one to another gaining momentum and eventually crashing down. Finally I got the hang of it and was using less and less branches until I was able to fly without the help of them. I think the best part of the dream, wasn't even the dream. When I woke up, I had this really weird feeling next to my shoulder blades. It wasn't pain, on the contrary, it was very pleasant. In fact, I can still feel it.
Flying never meant anything to me. I always wanted to be able to walk through solid objects or teleport or something, but recently, I think flying would be the best feeling in the world... No. I don't think. I know. The dream was so vivid and that feeling next to my shoulder blades. I know what flying feels like. And the weird part is that feeling how I do when I am flying in the dream world is just about enough for me. I don't care so much that I can't do it in the real world.
...Shit... I forgot my other dreams.
That said, last night I had some pretty awesome and vivid dreams! I actually remembered almost all the details when I woke up, but I wish I had thought to chronicle them earlier because now I barely remember them; I'll at least describe them.
One dream had flying in the middle. Flying has become an important part of my dreams (at least the ones I remember) recently. Anyway, I grew wings on my back and it took a while for me to learn how to use them. It was very much like using a new muscle. I was luckily in a house that was full of trees with springy branches and was able to jump from one to another gaining momentum and eventually crashing down. Finally I got the hang of it and was using less and less branches until I was able to fly without the help of them. I think the best part of the dream, wasn't even the dream. When I woke up, I had this really weird feeling next to my shoulder blades. It wasn't pain, on the contrary, it was very pleasant. In fact, I can still feel it.
Flying never meant anything to me. I always wanted to be able to walk through solid objects or teleport or something, but recently, I think flying would be the best feeling in the world... No. I don't think. I know. The dream was so vivid and that feeling next to my shoulder blades. I know what flying feels like. And the weird part is that feeling how I do when I am flying in the dream world is just about enough for me. I don't care so much that I can't do it in the real world.
...Shit... I forgot my other dreams.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Finals
Has anyone else noticed that the week or two before finals are worse than the actual finals? I felt so overwhelmed last week and over the weekend, however, when I finally started working on them, I realized I don't have as much work to do as previously thought. Chalk it up to disorganization, but this year finals are going to be better than they actually seemed.
WHOO! End of the semester.
WHOO! End of the semester.
My Songs
Every night before I go to bed, I think about where I have been, where I am going, and reflect upon myself. Then after all of that, I wash the slate clean and go to bed fully ready for the next day.
I just had to get that out there. There is a reason for this post and I hope it becomes clear by the end.
I titled this post "My Songs" for a reason. These songs have an infinite amount of meaning. So much so that they belong to me.
After tonight, I need a lot of reflection. As soon as things tapered off, the first thing I ran to were my songs for comfort; to get balance in my life, to remind myself of who I am.
I think few people know who I truly am. In fact, I am fairly confident that I can count on one hand the people who truly understand ...you know who you are...
Where have I been? Where am I going? What am I doing? What do I want out of life? I don't pretend to be complicated, there is just a lot to me. In the end though, you might find out that I am not so hard to figure out after all. Maybe you'll understand me through these songs and post. Maybe I'll tell you sometime.
Please don't take umbridge with me for this post. I hope it's not too pretentious. Maybe its my fault I am not as open with people as I should be and maybe its because people aren't interested in me. If you feel strongly about it, just talk to me sometime. I love you anyway.
See you Space Cowboy.
I just had to get that out there. There is a reason for this post and I hope it becomes clear by the end.
I titled this post "My Songs" for a reason. These songs have an infinite amount of meaning. So much so that they belong to me.
After tonight, I need a lot of reflection. As soon as things tapered off, the first thing I ran to were my songs for comfort; to get balance in my life, to remind myself of who I am.
------------------------------------------
Call Me, Call Me by Steve Conteh
I close my eyes and I keep seeing things;
Rainbow waterfalls, sunny liquid dreams.
Confusion creeps inside me raining doubt;
Got to get to you, but i don't know how
Call me call me,
Let me know its alright.
Call me call me,
Don't you think its bout time,
Please wont you call and:
Ease my mind.
Reasons, for me to know you,
Ease my mind.
What would i do, but wait here for you?
I had your number quite some time ago,
Back when we were young but I had to go.
Ten-thousand years I've searched it seems and now:
Got to get to you, but i don't know how.
Call me call me,
Let me know you are there.
Call me call me,
I want to know you still care.
Come on now wont you ease my mind?
Reasons for me to know you.
Piece of mind.
What can i do: To get me to you?
Gotta Knock a Little Harder by Yoko Kanno
Happiness is just a word to me
And it might have meant a thing or two
If I'd known the difference
Emptiness, a lonely parody
And my life, another smokin' gun
A sign of my indifference
Always keepin' safe inside
Where no one ever had a chance
To penetrate a break in
Let me tell you some have tried
But I would slam the door so tight
That they could never get in
Kept my cool under lock and key
And I never shed a tear
Another sign of my condidtion
Fear of love or bitter vanity
That kept me on the run
The main events at my confession
I kept a chain upon my door
That would shake the shame of Cain
Into a blind submission
The burning ghost without a name
Was calling all the same
But I wouldn't listen
The longer I'd stall
The further I'd crawl
The further I'd crawl
The harder I'd fall
I was crawlin' into the fire
The more that I saw
The further I'd fall
The further I'd fall
The lower I'd crawl
I kept fallin' into the fire
Into the fire
Into the fire
Suddenly it occurred to me
The reason for the run and hide
Had totaled my existnce
Everything left on the other side
Could never be much worse that this
But could I go the distance
I faced the door and all my shame
Tearin' off each piece of chain
Until they all were broken
But no matter how I tried
The other side was licked so tight
That door it wouldn't open
Gave it all that I got
And started to knock
Shouted for someone
To open the lock
I just gotta get through the door
And the more that I knocked
The hotter I got
The hotter I got
The harder I'd knock
I just gotta break through the door
Gotta knock a little harder
Break down the door.
Learn to Fly by the Foo Fighters
Run and tell all of the angels
This could take all night
Think I need a devil to help me
Get things right.
Hook me up a new revolution
Cause this one is a lie
We sat around laughing
And watch the last one die.
I'm looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something help me burn out bright
I'm looking for complications
Looking cause I'm tired of lying
Make my way back home
When I learn to fly
Think I'm done nursing the patience
I can wait one night
I'd give it all away
If you give me one last try
We live happily ever trapped
If you just save my life
Run and tell the angels
That everything is all right
I'm looking for complications
Looking cause I'm tired of tryin'
Make my way back home
When I learn to fly.
Fly along with me
I cant quite make it alone
Try to make this life my own
I'm looking for complications
Looking cause I'm tired of tryin'
Make my way back home
When I learn to fly high.
------------------------------------------
Call Me, Call Me by Steve Conteh
I close my eyes and I keep seeing things;
Rainbow waterfalls, sunny liquid dreams.
Confusion creeps inside me raining doubt;
Got to get to you, but i don't know how
Call me call me,
Let me know its alright.
Call me call me,
Don't you think its bout time,
Please wont you call and:
Ease my mind.
Reasons, for me to know you,
Ease my mind.
What would i do, but wait here for you?
I had your number quite some time ago,
Back when we were young but I had to go.
Ten-thousand years I've searched it seems and now:
Got to get to you, but i don't know how.
Call me call me,
Let me know you are there.
Call me call me,
I want to know you still care.
Come on now wont you ease my mind?
Reasons for me to know you.
Piece of mind.
What can i do: To get me to you?
Gotta Knock a Little Harder by Yoko Kanno
Happiness is just a word to me
And it might have meant a thing or two
If I'd known the difference
Emptiness, a lonely parody
And my life, another smokin' gun
A sign of my indifference
Always keepin' safe inside
Where no one ever had a chance
To penetrate a break in
Let me tell you some have tried
But I would slam the door so tight
That they could never get in
Kept my cool under lock and key
And I never shed a tear
Another sign of my condidtion
Fear of love or bitter vanity
That kept me on the run
The main events at my confession
I kept a chain upon my door
That would shake the shame of Cain
Into a blind submission
The burning ghost without a name
Was calling all the same
But I wouldn't listen
The longer I'd stall
The further I'd crawl
The further I'd crawl
The harder I'd fall
I was crawlin' into the fire
The more that I saw
The further I'd fall
The further I'd fall
The lower I'd crawl
I kept fallin' into the fire
Into the fire
Into the fire
Suddenly it occurred to me
The reason for the run and hide
Had totaled my existnce
Everything left on the other side
Could never be much worse that this
But could I go the distance
I faced the door and all my shame
Tearin' off each piece of chain
Until they all were broken
But no matter how I tried
The other side was licked so tight
That door it wouldn't open
Gave it all that I got
And started to knock
Shouted for someone
To open the lock
I just gotta get through the door
And the more that I knocked
The hotter I got
The hotter I got
The harder I'd knock
I just gotta break through the door
Gotta knock a little harder
Break down the door.
Learn to Fly by the Foo Fighters
Run and tell all of the angels
This could take all night
Think I need a devil to help me
Get things right.
Hook me up a new revolution
Cause this one is a lie
We sat around laughing
And watch the last one die.
I'm looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something help me burn out bright
I'm looking for complications
Looking cause I'm tired of lying
Make my way back home
When I learn to fly
Think I'm done nursing the patience
I can wait one night
I'd give it all away
If you give me one last try
We live happily ever trapped
If you just save my life
Run and tell the angels
That everything is all right
I'm looking for complications
Looking cause I'm tired of tryin'
Make my way back home
When I learn to fly.
Fly along with me
I cant quite make it alone
Try to make this life my own
I'm looking for complications
Looking cause I'm tired of tryin'
Make my way back home
When I learn to fly high.
------------------------------------------
I think few people know who I truly am. In fact, I am fairly confident that I can count on one hand the people who truly understand ...you know who you are...
Where have I been? Where am I going? What am I doing? What do I want out of life? I don't pretend to be complicated, there is just a lot to me. In the end though, you might find out that I am not so hard to figure out after all. Maybe you'll understand me through these songs and post. Maybe I'll tell you sometime.
Please don't take umbridge with me for this post. I hope it's not too pretentious. Maybe its my fault I am not as open with people as I should be and maybe its because people aren't interested in me. If you feel strongly about it, just talk to me sometime. I love you anyway.
See you Space Cowboy.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Blech 2: The Revelation
I talked to my roommates and apparently it wasn't pubes. It was beard trimmings.
I'm still going to wear sandals from now on.
I'm still going to wear sandals from now on.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Blech
This morning, I stepped on pubic hair that was strewn about in front of the shower. I didn't have sandals...
This morning I learned a new lesson.
This morning I learned a new lesson.
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