My Songs

Every night before I go to bed, I think about where I have been, where I am going, and reflect upon myself. Then after all of that, I wash the slate clean and go to bed fully ready for the next day.

I just had to get that out there. There is a reason for this post and I hope it becomes clear by the end.

I titled this post "My Songs" for a reason. These songs have an infinite amount of meaning. So much so that they belong to me.

After tonight, I need a lot of reflection. As soon as things tapered off, the first thing I ran to were my songs for comfort; to get balance in my life, to remind myself of who I am.

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Call Me, Call Me by Steve Conteh
I close my eyes and I keep seeing things;
Rainbow waterfalls, sunny liquid dreams.
Confusion creeps inside me raining doubt;
Got to get to you, but i don't know how

Call me call me,
Let me know its alright.
Call me call me,
Don't you think its bout time,

Please wont you call and:
Ease my mind.
Reasons, for me to know you,
Ease my mind.
What would i do, but wait here for you?

I had your number quite some time ago,
Back when we were young but I had to go.
Ten-thousand years I've searched it seems and now:
Got to get to you, but i don't know how.

Call me call me,
Let me know you are there.
Call me call me,
I want to know you still care.

Come on now wont you ease my mind?
Reasons for me to know you.
Piece of mind.
What can i do: To get me to you?

Gotta Knock a Little Harder by Yoko Kanno
Happiness is just a word to me
And it might have meant a thing or two
If I'd known the difference

Emptiness, a lonely parody
And my life, another smokin' gun
A sign of my indifference

Always keepin' safe inside
Where no one ever had a chance
To penetrate a break in

Let me tell you some have tried
But I would slam the door so tight
That they could never get in

Kept my cool under lock and key
And I never shed a tear
Another sign of my condidtion

Fear of love or bitter vanity
That kept me on the run
The main events at my confession

I kept a chain upon my door
That would shake the shame of Cain
Into a blind submission

The burning ghost without a name
Was calling all the same
But I wouldn't listen

The longer I'd stall
The further I'd crawl
The further I'd crawl
The harder I'd fall
I was crawlin' into the fire

The more that I saw
The further I'd fall
The further I'd fall
The lower I'd crawl
I kept fallin' into the fire
Into the fire
Into the fire

Suddenly it occurred to me
The reason for the run and hide
Had totaled my existnce

Everything left on the other side
Could never be much worse that this
But could I go the distance

I faced the door and all my shame
Tearin' off each piece of chain
Until they all were broken

But no matter how I tried
The other side was licked so tight
That door it wouldn't open

Gave it all that I got
And started to knock
Shouted for someone
To open the lock
I just gotta get through the door

And the more that I knocked
The hotter I got
The hotter I got
The harder I'd knock
I just gotta break through the door

Gotta knock a little harder
Break down the door.

Learn to Fly by the Foo Fighters
Run and tell all of the angels
This could take all night
Think I need a devil to help me
Get things right.

Hook me up a new revolution
Cause this one is a lie
We sat around laughing
And watch the last one die.

I'm looking to the sky to save me
Looking for a sign of life
Looking for something help me burn out bright

I'm looking for complications
Looking cause I'm tired of lying
Make my way back home
When I learn to fly

Think I'm done nursing the patience
I can wait one night
I'd give it all away
If you give me one last try

We live happily ever trapped
If you just save my life
Run and tell the angels
That everything is all right

I'm looking for complications
Looking cause I'm tired of tryin'
Make my way back home
When I learn to fly.

Fly along with me
I cant quite make it alone
Try to make this life my own

I'm looking for complications
Looking cause I'm tired of tryin'
Make my way back home
When I learn to fly high.

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I think few people know who I truly am. In fact, I am fairly confident that I can count on one hand the people who truly understand ...you know who you are...

Where have I been? Where am I going? What am I doing? What do I want out of life? I don't pretend to be complicated, there is just a lot to me. In the end though, you might find out that I am not so hard to figure out after all. Maybe you'll understand me through these songs and post. Maybe I'll tell you sometime.

Please don't take umbridge with me for this post. I hope it's not too pretentious. Maybe its my fault I am not as open with people as I should be and maybe its because people aren't interested in me. If you feel strongly about it, just talk to me sometime. I love you anyway.

See you Space Cowboy.